


Beat Your Heart Out

by Makemegray



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 05:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6691078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makemegray/pseuds/Makemegray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you fake a laugh at the announcement that another Exorcist has been killed, he scowls and tosses sand at you before getting up to train some more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beat Your Heart Out

**Author's Note:**

> (This was written in 2009, btdubs. I'm posting it here now because I seem to have never done so before. So...anything that has been invalidated by recent canon...just keep in mind that it's 7 years old)

When you fake a laugh at the announcement that another Exorcist has been killed, he scowls and tosses sand at you before getting up to train some more. 

Because you're stuck on this godforsaken beach and because no one can quite figure out where you are, despite the fact that the golems can somehow communicate. And because you can do nothing to help. 

Because that's the third this week and the third one that you'd both considered something of a friend. 

It's the third innocence lost in seven days and it's that third that the Noah are closer to striking to those select few that you'd give your life for.

The third funeral you'd have to go to and the third time you'd been forced to face that reality that you'd been trying your damnedest to deny. 

You know, that one where you're an utter failure as a Bookman and any day now- you're sure of it= the panda is going to kick you in the head and scold you for hours before he kills you. Because you know too much and you can't be trusted and you hope it hurts. 

That one where you hope it hurts because the moonlight flitting through his hair as he goes through his kata is making you fall just a little bit more in love with him. 

You hope it's long and slow because that was exceedingly fucking sappy and you want God or someone to agree about that and strike you down right there. 

Apparently, someone on high thinks you deserve to be punished as well when he chooses that exact moment to smirk in that horridly self-satisfied way that makes you hard right then and there. 

And you know what you're doing is a sin, in so many ways that it would take years to count but you can't stop yourself as you get up and tackle him into the sand. 

You ignore the sword slicing into your palm as you push it away and kiss him breathless until he bites your tongue and you even ignore the attempted castration while he tries to escape. 

Because he suddenly freezes and his eyes widen when you tell him that he should stop struggling because all you want to do is show how much you love him. And you realize that it's the first time you've ever said that out loud to him. 

You fake another laugh and move off of him, going to sit back down and stare at the ocean while he stares at you, trying to figure you out. 

Because he knows that you meant it and he knows what it means. 

Aside from the panda, he's the best at sorting 'Lavi' from xxx, whoever the hell he was anymore. 

He can tell when you're taking time to think about what you're saying before you say it and when you don't, notices that fraction of a fraction of a second where you pause to think. 

And you hadn't just now, and more and more often you weren't. You know he's confused and you want to go over there and kiss away that frown until he gets it and all he see is xxx and not 'Lavi' and until he doesn't think that it's so damn weird for you to be honest about something. 

"Maa...it sure was hot out today, wasn't it Yuu-chan? I figure we must be somewhere near the tropics. The Bermuda Triangle maybe? Haha, maybe that's why the Trackers can't find it."

He growls, not appreciating your attempt to distract him and crawls...no...more like stalks -- like he's about to rip your fucking intestines out --and pushes you back hard, ignoring the crack your skull makes as it connects with a rock and all four of him straddle your waist, glaring. 

"Say it again."

"Haha...say what again?"

"What you said."

"Um...Ow?"

Flicking Mugen out of it's sheathe with a thumb is Kanda-ese for: "I'm not in the mood for your fucking stupidity."

"...Why do you want me to? You don't want it anyway." And arch of an eyebrow is Kanda-ese for: "Who do you think you are to presume anything about me?"

"...Haha...I love you?"

You see seven Yuu's walking away from you grumbling after he smacks you across the head with the sheathe. Kanda-ese for: "I would kill you but I don't give enough of a damn and I don't feel like cleaning blood off my sword."

You're not sure how, by you know you've pissed him off and that he won't you tell you why unless you force it out of him.

So you chose one of the Yuu's to run after and fail spectacularly at coming to a sudden and complete stop behind him, falling to your knees instead. 

You have enough presence of mind, before you blackout for a moment, to reach out and wrap your arms around his waist, pressing him against your chest. 

"Haha..." you start weakly, mumbling into the small of his back as consciousness starts to drift back in. "You're really sweaty, Yuu-chan...maybe you should go swimming!"

He doesn't even bother to growl before he flings you off, making his way toward the cave you'd been using for shelter since you were stranded here. 

How long has it been now? 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, you're not sure. 

All you know is that it's agonizing and you're pretty sure that you're going just a little more insane each day. 

Because each day, you took a new stock of your life and each day found it less and less important to follow though with your goal as a Bookman and each day you found yourself more and more willing to though all of that away if it meant that your stupid fucking obsession had even the slightest hint of a future. 

When you managed to make it back to the cave after berating yourself for close to an hour and calling yourself all kinds of fool, he's managed to catch some identifiable animal and place it on a spit over the fire, is turning it slowly. 

He doesn't look up at you when you plop down across the flames from him. And you aren't really suprised, when he ignores you all through dinner, except to shove the spit and the cooked meat thereon at you, while he grills more for himself. 

You refuse to think of the irony when you recognize the meat as rabbit. 

If he was trying to say something to you, he would, after all. Kanda Yuu is not one to be subtle, nor is he one to mince words. If he wanted you roasted over an open flame he would say so. 

But...right now...you might as well not exist to him. And doesn't that just figure? The one time you actually (unintentional or not) make it clear how you feel, he pretends you aren't there. 

"Haha...Hey, Yuu-chan..."You ignore his growl at that, resist your smirk. "Did you not believe what I said outside? Do you think I was lying?" It takes a minute of him staring at you before you start fidgeting and that seems to make him even more mad. 

Forsaking his meal, he stalks across the fire and sits down heavily in your lap, yanking on the ends of your scarf to bring your face closer to his, so that you're nose to nose. 

"Were you fucking lying?" You shake your head vigorously and he tilts his head, appraisingly, in that very Japanese way he has, like he can't decide whether he wants to put you under a microscope or slit you from navel to nose with Mugen. 

He stares at you so long that you're pretty sure he's about to chose the later when he growls and shakes you just a little bit. 

"And who are you to say that I don't want it? What if I did?" And you're pretty sure you're gaping like a fish or something because he suddenly gets impatient and smacks you. 

He snorts when you start grinning and moves to get off you until he trap him with your arms, kissing him until he starts threatening to cut off your vital regions and his meat catches on fire, throwing embers everywhere. 

And as you watch him try and salvage his food and lament the scorch marks on his fringe, you think, yeah...When Bookman finds out, you hope it hurts. 

Because sin doesn't even begin to cover it. There's a special hell for people like you.


End file.
